Ships of Note: What the FLIP?

Excuse me?

What?

It’s, erm, your ship. It appears to be sinking.

I don’t think so.

It’s plunging downwards!

Nonsense.

YOUR STERN IS POINTING SKYWARDS!

That’s the bow, actually. You’re looking at it the wrong way.

The whole damn ship’s looking the wrong way!

Only from a certain perspective. We quite like it like this.

Please, just stop – it’s making me feel funny.

Ok.

What?

I said ok. We’ve stopped doing it, and now we’re sending it for scrap.

Why?

Because it’s old and knackered. Repeatedly having scientists doing undignified things to one’s orientation does that, you know.

I think we’ll draw a veil over that. Any chance of it being preserved?

Not really. It’s pretty hard to find a dock ninety-odd metres deep to preserve it in.

You could have left it in the horizontal position?

Oops.

What the hell was that thing for, anyway?

The boffins wanted RP FLIP to be an upstanding member of the scientific maritime community, of course. Also it’s more stable vertically because most of the vessel is then in the calmer layers beneath the waves, letting them do their boffinry in peace. You don’t want an unstable scientist, believe me.

I should imagine there are some difficulties with turning an entire ship ninety degrees vertically?

Not now that we’ve learnt to warn anybody in the heads before we fill its backside with water.

I was wondering about that…

We have a sign in them.

And what does it say?

It’s a picture of Sean Connery announcing that you are now shitting at ninety degrees.

Really?

No. We do have two sets of facilities built at right angles to each other though. It’s like MC Escher briefly entertained a career in naval architecture. Before being told in no uncertain terms to bugger off.

Nobody copied it then?

Surprisingly enough, no.

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could…

Precisely.

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The details:

Launched: 1962

Length: 108m

Draught: 108m (minus 17m or so sticking in the air)

Laid up: 2017

Current status: Razor blades in waiting

_{NB: Edited 11th Aug 23 because we’d forgotten for about the hundredth time that FLIP does not, in fact, go arse over tit – it’s the other way up.}